There are not one, not two, but three entire games based around the Australian soap Neighbours. Also, only the first one is licensed!
One of those unlicensed games was a freeware Amiga point-and-click game, which has recently got a bit of attention online for the sheer oddness of it existing. (You can see the full story here.) The other one has been mostly forgotten about, apart from a few playthroughs and things on Youtube. We’ll be looking at the latter in this post.
Apparently retitled due to copyright worries, Nightmare On Ramsey Robinson Street is basically a quick asset flip done for the benefit of the popular computer magazine Your Sinclair. Players Software simply took one of their existing titles – “LA Drugs Bust” – and cut out loads of levels, redid the graphics, and considered the job a good’un. The whole thing was given away on a free tape which came with the February 1990 issue of Your Sinclair.
This is a first-person 2D “gallery” shooter, modelled on arcade games of the time like Operation Wolf. Instead of killing, I dunno, “commies”, you must shoot very very slightly disguised renditions of the cast of Britain’s favourite Australian soap (yeah, up yours Home & Away!). In the context of the early 90s, this made some kind of cultural sense as not everyone was a fan of the show. The coders at Players Software were clearly among that group, as indeed was Victor Lewis-Smith (at a minute into the video below):
When you boot the game up (which is designed to work with 48K models for maximum compatibility, backward compatibility fans), we get a loading screen which advertises someone’s Speccy fanzine (“Sinclair Fan”, which I can’t find on archive.org, but maybe you can?) and their upcoming game – Joe Blade 3.
Joe Blade was a weirdly anonymous yet quite popular Spectrum action game, which was popular because it was a cheap title with decent graphics (by Speccy standards). In it you controlled a cartoony Jesse Ventura-a-like, and you ran around kicking people in the head to collect points, which came in the form of those blow-up numbers you get now for spelling out someone’s age on their birthday. You also had to defuse bombs that were in dustbins for some reason by matching icons that looked like they came from The Krypton Factor. And there were all these old blokes in macs who didn’t bother you, but you could kill anyway, who wandered around the levels seemingly trying to find sex workers. That is the end of my elaboration on Joe Blade 3.
So when you start the game proper, you get the following scrolling message at the bottom:
YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE OR YOUR ULTIMATE FANTASY – WELCOME TO “A NIGHTMARE ON ROBINSON STREET” – WRITTEN BY SIMON HOBBS FROM AN ORIGINAL IDEA BY SIMON DANIELS – CLEAN UP THE NEIGHBOURHOOD BY ELIMINATING THE VARIOUS PERSONALITIES – FLEET STREET REPORTERS AND STUDIO TECHNICIANS – THEN GO ON TO FACE THE TERRIBLE END OF LEVEL GUARDIAN
This is then followed by a long sales pitch for their games (in which the prices are written out in a really weird way – “Nine-ninety-nine”, without even a pound sign?) and then they ask… you written any good games lately? You could contact them about your wares by calling a phone number which I would say was now a sex chat line if such things still existed, but I don’t think they do.
And then you go into the game itself… and it’s a really crap, quickly knocked out version of Operation Wolf or whatever. Quelle surprise. The celebs you shoot are obviously meant to be poor old Kylie and Jason – the latter of which helpfully has a “J” on his shirt because they weren’t confident in the graphics alone – plus some random smiling nerd (?), cameramen walking down the street, and paparazzi popping up from behind background fences to take photos of, erm… endless clones of Kylie and Jason shooting people who then get murdered themselves? If you’d shown pictures like that to Kelvin McKenzie in the distant pre-AI-slop days of 1990, he’d have gone insane in much the same manner as the protagonist of a Lovecraft story.
(Oh, and you lose points if you shoot Bouncer, which is the one thing about this scenario that makes sense.)
Despite the lack of overall effort, it’s notable for simply existing – being distributed nationwide with a popular computer magazine as a weird sort of advert that happens to involve murdering multiple Jason Donovans in cold blood. Oddly, this silly throwaway game fits into a curious sub-sub-sub genre of UK gaming, mostly forgotten, and mostly having nothing to do with Charlene Mitchell or Scott Robinson. It slots in between another couple of free magazine games from Your Sinclair, and their rival Sinclair User.
Like many 8-bit UK game magazines of the time, YS would frequently give away cover-mounted audio cassettes containing demos of upcoming games and “Exclusive” games, which tended to be shite you’d play for a few minutes and then go back to the demo of the better game on the other side.
(Later on, the same magazines started re-publishing older, formerly full-price games and triggered a major crisis within 8-bit side of the British games industry… but that’s outside the scope of this article.)
In their November 1988 issue, Sinclair User gave away a game on their free cover tape called Bear A Grudge. This was a quick and simplistic version of Space Harrier, a popular Sega arcade game that also served as the launch title for the Mega Drive. You piloted the “Kamikaze Bear” – an ideologically dubious teddy bear character who was the half-arsed and boringly realized mascot of Sinclair User – and blew away digitised versions of the cartoon caricatures of the magazine’s staff.
Or at least, you tried to, but you could only shoot one bullet at a time, and pressing fire again would automatically “cancel” that bullet out and create a new one. And as pointed out by one reviewer on Spectrum Computing, this means that “when you’re autofiring it means you’re shooting entirely blanks!”. And everything else about the game, aside from the music, was awful as well.
You’re the worst character ever, “Kam”.
The most notable aspect of the game is the use of digitised versions of the cartoon drawings of the staff, which Sinclair User, er, used instead of photos. Interestingly, YS also did the whole cartoons-instead-of-photos thing for their staff as well. (I don’t know if YS or Sinclair User came up with it first, but it must be noted that late period Sinclair User crudely fashioned themselves on the younger upstart YS from around 1987 onwards). With all that in mind, enter one Damien Scattergood, a young programmer from Ireland.
Damien was responsible for “YS Capers”, which was produced the best part of two years later. Whether it was a deliberate attempt on Damien’s part to better the woeful Sinclair User attempt isn’t clear. It’s another game following in the steps of Operation Wolk and its ilk, and is much the same as “Robinson Street”, only with actual effort put into it. And like that Space Harrier clone, Damien digitised YS’s own cartoon versions of their writers for sprites. He sent it into the magazine, and they decided it was good enough to put on the cover-mounted “Smash Tape”.
The fact that in both games you’re killing the staff of your favourite computer magazine is, of course, a deeply odd one. (The same endlessly respawning / Kelvin McKenzie-maddening thing also happens here, as an unavoidable aspect of the gameplay.) To their credit, YS brought up the confusing unwholesomeness of the concept in the instructions:
It seems (ahem) that we’ve all gone mad you see, and are out to kill you, our dear readers, by shooting out at you from the safety of your TV screens!! (Perish the thought.) Only you can stop us!
(Above from the July 1990 issue of Your Sinclair)
To conclude, I do miss the days when video / computer games could do stuff like this – or rather, had the impulse to do so. The days of getting modern versions of the same thing distributed via newsagents up and down the land may be over, but perhaps there’s some kind of modern equivalent on itch.io that isn’t focused around the usual big franchises (which appear to all be dying in any case). Maybe someone – maybe me? – could make an 8-bit adaption of Afternoon Plus With Mavis Nicholson, with the aid of modern tools. Until then, you may want to check the link below.
David Lynch, as you will now be aware, has passed. By way of a slightly odd attempt at a tribute, here’s all the Radio Times listings involving Lynch’s best-known creation (arguably) across both BBC television and radio that I could find from around the original broadcasts, harvested from BBC Genome.
As well as the actual original showings of the show itself, I’ve also included some additional current affairs / arts type things which ran features on it. And as usual, I’ve attempted to correct what appear to be scanning and formatting errors.
All first showings of Season 1 were on a Tuesday on BBC2, at the regular time of 9pm. The same episode would be repeated the following Saturday at varying times – usually between 10 to midnight.
The second season’s initial broadcasts also began at 9pm on BBC2 with the established Saturday repeats, but as time went on things started to slide a bit, mirroring the dip in interest once Lynch temporarily left to film Wild At Heart. Premiere and repeat slots get switched around, change days and eventually repeats are skipped altogether… until Lynch returned, and we got that final cliffhanger.
We begin with one of those aforementioned arts programmes:
Behind the Screen Mon 22nd Oct 1990, 14:50 on BBC Two England
Twin Peaks, a new series directed by David Lynch, begins tomorrow at 9.00pm on BBC2. Behind the Screen previews this gripping story of a murder hunt in small town America. Producer Catherine Elliott-Kemp
—
Twin Peaks: 1 [The above is how it was listed to begin with – the rest drop the episode numbers from the titles] Tue 23rd Oct 1990, 21:00 on BBC Two England
The feature-length opening episode of David Lynch and Mark Frost’s acclaimed television series. An offbeat murder-mystery drama about a small town where anyone would want to be. Starring Kyle MacLachlan, Michael Ontkean “She’s dead. Wrapped in plastic.” The body of Laura Palmer, a beautiful teenage girl, is found by the shoreline in the small lumber town of Twin Peaks, shattering the tranquillity and revealing a host of dark and twisted secrets involving drugs, illicit love, Norwegian property developers, Douglas firs and cherry pie.
COVER STORY: page 5 BARRY NORMAN: page 37 CEEFAX SUBTITLES
—
Kaleidoscope Wed 24th Oct 1990, 16:30 on BBC Radio 4 FM
Robert Dawson-Scott is at this week’s new films, including the tough picture of American life Goodfellas, and watches David Lynch’s Twin Peaks on BBC1. Producer Tessa Watt Stereo
—
Third Opinion Sat 27th Oct 1990, 17:45 on BBC Radio 3
with Christopher Cook. Reviews: Scorsese’s film GoodFellas. John Updike completes the Rabbit quartet. David Lynch’s soap send-up Twin Peaks. Opinions: Waldemar Januszczak, Joan Smith. Features: The Dickens industry: biography and adaptation. Translation for the stage.
Producers John Boundy, Tim Dee
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Twin Peaks Sat 27th Oct 1990, 22:25 on BBC Two England
A second chance to see the feature-length opening episode of David Lynch and Mark Frost’s acclaimed television series. Starring Kyle MacLachlan, Michael Ontkean The body of teenager Laura Palmer is found by the shoreline in the small lumber town of Twin Peaks.
● CEEFAX SUBTITLES
—
Twin Peaks Tue 30th Oct 1990, 21:00 on BBC Two England
The mystery continues in the second part of David Lynch’s offbeat drama about a small town where anyone would want to be. Starring Kyle MacLachlan, Michael Ontkean Further probing into Laura Palmer ‘s murder brings indications of a sordid secret life – but who really knows the truth? Meanwhile, Agent Cooper senses young love in the air, learns about where the fish swim in Twin Peaks and is chastised for doubting the integrity of the local timber.
Written by Mark Frost and David Lynch ● CEEFAX SUBTITLES
—
Twin Peaks Sat 3rd Nov 1990, 22:25 on BBC Two England
Another opportunity to keep up with events in David Lynch’s offbeat American town. Starring Kyle MacLachlan, Michael Ontkean 2: Further probing into Laura Palmer ‘s murder brings indications of a sordid secret life – but who really knows the truth?
● CEEFAX SUBTITLES
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Twin Peaks Tue 6th Nov 1990, 21:00 on BBC Two England
The mystery continues. Starring Kyle MacLachlan, Michael Ontkean 3: Duplicate account ledgers, shady dealings in the woods, a house of ill-repute, a one-armed man and a grief-stricken father jitterbugging into madness. For Agent Cooper, perhaps it’s time to resort to the Tibetan Stone-Throwing Deductive Technique – and dreams.
Written by Mark Frost and David Lynch Director David Lynch ● CEEFAX SUBTITLES
—
Twin Peaks Sat 10th Nov 1990, 22:40 on BBC Two England
Another chance to keep up with events in David Lynch’s off-beat American town. Starring Kyle MacLachlan, Michael Ontkean 3: Duplicate account ledgers, shady dealings in the woods, a house of ill-repute, a one-armed man and a grief-stricken father… so many secrets baffling Agent Cooper.
● CEEFAX SUBTITLES
—
Twin Peaks Tue 13th Nov 1990, 21:00 on BBC Two England
The mystery continues in David Lynch’s soap noir. Starring Kyle MacLachlan, Michael Ontkean
4: As the funeral of Laura Palmer turns into a fiasco, Cooper is given a scent of the dead girl’s double life by Audrey Home and learns of the evil lurking in the woods. Meanwhile, Josie gets nervous, Norma gets bad news from the State prison and Shelly gets a gun.
Twin Peaks Sat 17th Nov 1990, 22:40 on BBC Two England
Another opportunity to see last week’s episode of David Lynch and Mark Frost’s acclaimed television series. Starring Kyle MacLachlan, Michael Ontkean 4: As the funeral of Laura Palmer turns into a fiasco, Cooper is given a hint of the dead girl’s double life by Audrey Home and learns of the evil lurking in the woods. Meanwhile, Josie gets nervous, Norma gets bad news from the State prison, and Shelly gets a gun.
● CEEFAX SUBTITLES
—
Twin Peaks Tue 20th Nov 1990, 21:00 on BBC Two England
The mystery continues in David Lynch’s offbeat drama about a small town where anyone would want to be. Starring Kyle MacLachlan, Michael Ontkean 5: The psychiatric branch of medicine fails to throw light on Laura Palmer ‘s secrets, but the trail of the one-armed man leads to a feathered friend and a vital clue. Meanwhile, James Hurley is stunned by a familiar face, Cooper finds out that he isn’t the only visionary in town and Audrey Home decides to follow the sweet smell of excess.
● CEEFAX SUBTITLES
—
Twin Peaks Sat 24th Nov 1990, 23:30 on BBC Two England
Another opportunity to keep up with events in David Lynch’s offbeat American town. Starring Kyle MacLachlan, Michael Ontkean 5: The psychiatric branch of medicine fails to throw light on Laura Palmer’s secrets, but the trail of the one-armed man leads to a feathered friend and a vital clue.
● CEEFAX SUBTITLES
—
Twin Peaks Tue 27th Nov 1990, 21:00 on BBC Two England
The mystery continues in David Lynch’s small-town soap noir. Starring Kyle MacLachlan, Michael Ontkean 6: ‘Three men, two girls… the dark was pressing in… screams…” An unlikely informant brings Cooper and Truman to a cabin in the woods and another clue. As Norma waits for her husband to turn up, Bobby Briggs breaks down, Josie sits in the dark and Audrey goes to work for her special agent.
Agent Dale Cooper… Kyle MacLachlan Written by Mark Frost
● CEEFAX SUBTITLES
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Twin Peaks Sat 1st Dec 1990, 23:45 on BBC Two England
Another opportunity to keep up with events in David Lynch’s offbeat American town. Starring Kyle Maclachlan, Michael Ontkean 6: An unlikely informant brings Cooper and Truman to a cabin in the woods and another clue. As Norma waits for her husband to turn up, Bobby Briggs breaks down, Josie sits in the dark and Audrey goes to work for her special agent.
● CEEFAX SUBTITLES
—
Twin Peaks Tue 4th Dec 1990, 21:00 on BBC Two England
The mystery continues in David Lynch ‘s soap noir. Starring Kyle MacLachlan, Michael Ontkean 7: For one resident of Twin Peaks, Laura Palmer is brought shockingly back to life, but a talkative witness to her murder is destined to leave blood on the doughnuts. Meanwhile, Cooper goes undercover at One-Eyed Jacks, Audrey gets tongue-tied and Nadine Hurley sees her dreams of riches shattered.
● CEEFAX SUBTITLES
—
Twin Peaks Sat 8th Dec 1990, 21:30 on BBC Two England
Another chance to see last week’s episode of David Lynch ‘s soap noir. Starring Kyle MacLachlan, Michael Ontkean 7: For one resident Laura Palmer is brought shockingly back to life, but a witness to her murder leaves blood on the doughnuts.
● CEEFAX SUBTITLES
—
[And now, a month later, comes the second season…]
Twin Peaks Tue 8th Jan 1991, 21:00 on BBC Two England
The second season’s feature-length opening episode returns to the small town seething with secrets. Starring Kyle MacLachlan, Michael Ontkean Is that a corpse on the floor in the Great Northern Hotel and has the investigation into Laura Palmer ‘s murder met a premature end? As the local hospital fills up with the victims of an eventful night, other residents of Twin Peaks adopt strange changes in style, a giant dispenses wisdom, and someone sees the face of ‘Bob’. Written by Mark Frost Director David Lynch
● PICTURE STORY: page 73 ● CEEFAX SUBTITLES
—
Twin Peaks Sat 12th Jan 1991, 22:45 on BBC Two England
Another opportunity to see last week’s feature-length opening episode of events in David Lynch’s off-beat town. Starring Kyle MacLachlan, Michael Ontkean Has the investigation into Laura Palmer ‘s murder met a premature end? After an eventful night, residents of Twin Peaks adopt strange changes in style.
● CEEFAX SUBTITLES
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Twin Peaks Tue 15th Jan 1991, 21:00 on BBC Two England
David Lynch’s soap noir continues starring Kyle MacLachlan, Michael Ontkean One-Eyed Jacks becomes a dangerous place for Audrey.
● CEEFAX SUBTITLES
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Twin Peaks Sat 19th Jan 1991, 22:55 on BBC Two England
Another opportunity to keep up with events in director David Lynch’s offbeat American town. Starring Kyle MacLachlan, Michael Ontkean
The face of ‘Bob’ appears in more nightmares and, while Cooper ponders on increasingly cryptic clues, three friends begin singing out of tune. Two brothers scheme to capitalise on recent events, and One-Eyed Jacks becomes a dangerous place for Audrey.
(Ceefax subtitles)
—
Twin Peaks Tue 22nd Jan 1991, 21:00 on BBC Two England
David Lynch ‘s soap noir continues. Starring Kyle MacLachlan, Michael Ontkean Donna meets someone with strange insights, and Cooper has trouble with a vengeful brother. Meanwhile, Lucy gets mad, and Leland pays the price of getting even. page 39)
● CEEFAX SUBTITLES
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Twin Peaks Tue 5th Feb 1991, 21:00 on BBC Two England
David Lynch’s offbeat drama about a small American town. Starring Kyle MacLachlan Michael Ontkean A mission to rescue Audrey and a plan to steal Laura Palmer’s diary turn into terrifying experiences.
● CEEFAX SUBTITLES
—
Twin Peaks Sat 9th Feb 1991, 22:55 on BBC Two England
Another opportunity to see last week’s episode starring Kyle MacLachlan, Michael Ontkean A mission to rescue Audrey and a plan to steal Laura Palmer’s diary turn into terrifying experiences. Meanwhile, Ben Home is tempted and Bobby and Shelly get ready for Leo’s homecoming.
● CEEFAX SUBTITLES
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Twin Peaks Sat 16th Feb 1991, 23:00 on BBC Two England
Starring Kyle MacLachlan, Michael Ontkean Homecomings abound as Audrey returns from her ordeal and Leo is guest of honour at a bizarre party. Meanwhile, Cooper’s supervisor arrives with a new, and dangerous, direction for his agent. Wntten by Mark Frost Director David Lynch
● CEEFAX SUBTITLES
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Twin Peaks Tue 19th Feb 1991, 21:00 on BBC Two England
In tonight’s instalment of David Lynch’s cult murder-mystery, the question is answered. Starring Kyle MacLachlan, Michael Ontkean
● CEEFAX SUBTITLES
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Twin Peaks Sun 24th Feb 1991, 00:50 on BBC Two England
Starring Kyle MacLachlan, Michael Ontkean As mystic rhymes are recited, as the giant warns that ‘it will happen again’, as Cooper pieces together the fragments of a secret diary, as a cloud of dread hangs over Twin Peaks …the face of Laura Palmer’s killer is revealed. Written by Mark Frost Director David Lynch
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Twin Peaks Tue 19th Mar 1991, 21:00 on BBC Two England
David Lynch’s offbeat drama about a small American town. Starring Kyle MacLachlan, Michael Ontkean As Twin Peaks celebrates the wedding of the year, Josie is about to discover exactly what widowhood means.
● TELETEXT SUBTITLES: page 888
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Twin Peaks Tue 26th Mar 1991, 21:00 on BBC Two England
David Lynch’s offbeat soap-opera continues. Starring Kyle MacLachlan Michael Ontkean After the wedding of the year, the honeymoon proves to be decidedly fatal and Dick Tremayne begins to fear that time spent in little Nicky’s company may not be life-enhancing either. Cooper, meanwhile, gets into property and James gets deeper into a dangerous fascination. ● TELETEXT SUBTITLES: page 888
—
Twin Peaks Tue 2nd Apr 1991, 21:00 on BBC Two England
The mystery continues in David Lynch’s offbeat drama. Starring Kyle MacLachlan, Michael Ontkean As Ben Home fights past battles, Cooper heads for a showdown with Jean Renault, but a far more dangerous adversary moves ever nearer.
● TELETEXT SUBTITLES: page 888
—
Twin Peaks Tue 16th Apr 1991, 21:00 on BBC Two England
David Lynch’s offbeat drama. Starring Kyle MacLachlan, Michael Ontkean Actress Diane Keaton directs this episode of the soap noir. DRAMA: page 4
● TELETEXT SUBTITLES: page 888
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Twin Peaks Tue 7th May 1991, 21:00 on BBC Two England
David Lynch’s offbeat drama. Starring Kyle MacLachlan, Michael Ontkean Break-ups, marriage proposals and new attractions are the order of the day in Twin Peaks.
● TELETEXT SUBTITLES: page 888
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Twin Peaks Tue 14th May 1991, 21:00 on BBC Two England
David Lynch’s offbeat drama about a small American town. Starring Kyle MacLachlan, Michael Ontkean A grieving Truman seeks solace in a bottle.
● TELETEXT SUBTITLES: page 888
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Twin Peaks Tue 21st May 1991, 21:00 on BBC Two England
David Lynch’s offbeat drama about a small American town. Starring Kyle MacLachlan Michael Ontkean While Truman survives a killer’s kiss, mysterious symbols lead Cooper to a cave where the owls may not be what they seem.
● TELETEXT SUBTITLES: page 888
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Twin Peaks Tue 28th May 1991, 21:00 on BBC Two England
David Lynch’s offbeat drama. Starring Kyle MacLachlan Michael Ontkean Cooper meets Cupid.
● TELETEXT SUBTITLES: page 888
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Twin Peaks Tue 4th Jun 1991, 21:00 on BBC Two England
David Lynch’s offbeat drama. Starring Kyle MacLachlan, Michael Ontkean The puzzle of the Black Lodge seems about to be solved.
● TELETEXT SUBTITLES: page 888
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Twin Peaks Tue 11th Jun 1991, 21:00 on BBC Two England
The penultimate episode of David Lynch’s offbeat drama about a small American town. Starring Kyle MacLachlan, Michael Ontkean Cooper and Truman decipher part of the secret of the Black Lodge. But are they too late?
● TELETEXT SUBTITLES: page 888
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Twin Peaks Tue 18th Jun 1991, 21:00 on BBC Two England
David Lynch directs the final episode of this offbeat drama. Starring Kyle MacLachlan, Michael Ontkean
Dale Cooper must finally confront the evil that lurks in the woods of Twin Peaks. (Repeated next Saturday) Drama: page 6
(Teletext subtitles: page 888)
—
Twin Peaks Sat 22nd Jun 1991, 23:30 on BBC Two England
Another opportunity to see the final episode of this offbeat soap opera, directed by David Lynch, starring Kyle MacLachlan, Michael Ontkean A queen is escorted to an appointment at the end of the world but, in order to play the white knight and rescue her, Agent Dale Cooper must face a final confrontation with the evil that lurks in the woods surrounding Twin Peaks.
● TELETEXT SUBTITLES: page 888
[A couple of other things I might as well mention: the edition of Barry Norman’s Film 92, broadcast on Tuesday 17th November of that year at 17:30 (that’s half five in the evening), has a review of the then-reviled Fire Walk With Me. And at the start of the following year, Blue Velvet finally got its British TV premiere on BBC2 (or BBC Two, as it had offically become by then) on Saturday 9th January 1993, at 23:55.]
A final curiosity
While I’ve refrained from giving much commentary on anything this time round, I thought I’d mention this strange little quirk of how the BBC Genome displays its data.
When the original listings were scanned 12 years ago, there was some sort of post-processing done to each individual programme. The algorithm that they used attempted to pick out any and all names mentioned in the main body text, in an attempt to credit anyone who might not have been listed in the actual credits printed in the original issue.
This was an interesting idea, and sometimes can be genuinely useful, although it does tend to produce a lot of chaff that I often have to ignore when putting these infodumps together. However, in one of the first “another chance to see” Twin Peaks repeats for Season 1, something unintentionally odd happened.
In this particular listing, Sheryl Lee’s name wasn’t given, but the character of Laura was mentioned as part of the plot summary. This made sense at the time, as Lee had already been credited in full with the initial Tuesday broadcast along with everyone else, so all they needed to do was to print a slightly cut down version of that first listing.
But years later, that Genome post-processing lead to the following eerie credit being automatically created. Sitting alongside the names of Lynch himself and Kyle MacLachlan was this:
Exciting news for Monty Python fans, as the comedy series Monty Python’s Flying Circus is coming back to TV.
There’s sure to be innuendos galore as the episodes return to UK terrestrial television for the first time in 35 years.
That’s TV — which broadcasts on Freeview, Sky and Freesat — has acquired the exclusive network television rights to all four seasons of the famous comedy.
The episodes will air every weeknight at 9pm from March 14, and will be uncut.
The series premiered on BBC in 1969 and originally ran until 1974.
BBC last repeated the series back in 1988, so news of its return will surely be music to many people’s ears!
Burton Daily Mail (Staffordshire), Thursday 30th November 1989:
Old fans of Monty Python and new friends of Michael Palin will welcome BBC2’s repeat showing from tonight of the first series of Monty Python’s Flying Circus (9pm).
[…] Now a cult programme worldwide, British fans can at last begin catching up again with early episodes tonight featuring Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart and, as a special treat, the funniest joke in the world.
Long Eaton Advertiser, “Weekly TV Post” section, Friday 14 July 1995:
9.00 Rab C Nesbitt 9.30 The All-New Alexei Sayle Show 2 10.00 Monty Python’s Flying Circus 10.30 Newsnight
TLDR; Python was repeated on UK terrestrial television until, at the very least, the year that the Sony Playstation was launched in the West. That’s not counting the occasional brief runs of selected episodes on BBC2, let alone the repeats on cable / satellite channels in the 2000s, such as those on the Paramount Comedy Channel (now Comedy Central UK).
It’s been said before, and I’ll say it again. If you can’t get a basic fact like that right, despite the facilities that are presumably available to you as someone working for a major newspaper, what does that say about everything else you print?
Following on from my big info-dump of the gags and whatnot featured in RT listings of Not The Nine O’Clock News, here’s another example of comedians larking about in the same publication. The Young Ones ran for twelve episodes from 1982 to 1984, and unlike NTNOCN, it didn’t take long for Elton, Mayall and Mayer to catch on to the possiblities…
Series 1 (1982)
Episode 1: Demolition
First broadcast: Tue 9th Nov 1982, 21:00 on BBC Two England
A new series of six comedy shows of which this is the first. Be there or be square! Starring Ade Edmondson, Rik Mayall, Nigel Planer, Christopher Ryan Featuring Alexei Sayle as the Balowski Family. With Nine Below Zero and Paul Bradley, Christine Ellerbeck, Chris Ellis, Ben Elton, Gerard Kelly, Hilary Mason, Pauline Melville, Herbert Norville, Cyril Shaps, Anthony Sharp, Maggie Steed, Andy de la Tour. Written by Ben Elton, Rik Mayall, Lise Mayer Additional material Alexei Sayle
Episode 2: Oil
First broadcast: Tue 16th Nov 1982, 21:00 on BBC Two England
Witty, rich, priceless, side-splitting, light, comic, mock heroic, farcical, clownish, knockabout (Roget’s Thesaurus). Starring Ade Edmondson, Rik Mayall, Nigel Planer, Christopher Ryan. Featuring Radical Posture. With Tony Aleff, Robbie Coltrane, Barry Cookson, Mark Ezra, Ronnie Golden, Terry Medlicott, Patrick Newell, David Rhule.
Episode 3: Boring
First broadcast: Tue 23rd Nov 1982, 21:00 on BBC Two England
As Schtenker said, ‘music will buy the paint’. He never said what colour… Starring Ade Edmondson, Rik Mayall, Nigel Planer, Christopher Ryan. With Madness, Mark Akden, Jim Barclay, Ruth Burnett, Jacqueline Clarke, Paola Dionisotti, Nick Dunning, Stephen Frost, Paul Gale, Peter Greene, Roger Ashton Griffiths, Pauline Melville,Patrick Newell, John Owens, Robin Parkinson, Ken Parry, David Rappaport. Written by Ben Elton, Rik Mayall, Lise Mayer Additional material Alexei Sayle
Episode 4: Bomb
First broadcast: Tue 30th Nov 1982, 21:00 on BBC Two England
Mark and Samantha decide to have a tea party, and the vicar tries out his new chain-saw with side-splitting results! Starring Ade Edmondson, Rik Mayall, Nigel Planer, Christopher Ryan featuring Alexei Sayle as the Balowski Family. With Dexys Midnight Runners and Mark Arden, Jean Campbell-Dallas, Paola Dionisotti, Clair Hill, Ceri Jackson, Peter Laxton, Tony Sympson, Roger Sloman.
Episode 5: Interesting
First broadcast: Tue 7th Dec 1982, 21:00 on BBC Two England
Heinrich Schtenker, the little-known but much hated amateur philosopher, famous for his epithet ‘I exist therefore I am’, was run over by a tram in Vienna in 1893. Good job too. Starring Ade Edmondson, Rik Mayall, Nigel Planer, Christopher Ryan. Featuring Rip, Rig and Panic with Keith Allen, Tony Allen, Mark Arden, Nicholas Ball, Paul Bradley, Ruth Burnett, Mark Dewison, Chris Ellis, Dawn French, Stephen Frost, Sadie Hamilton, Peter Laxton, Dave Lloyd, William MacBain, Kilian McKenna, Michael Redfern, Jennifer Saunders, Cindy Shelley, David Squire.
Episode 6: Flood
First broadcast: Tue 14th Dec 1982, 21:00 on BBC Two England
Disaster looms: in the last few days of a desperate government, riots spread as the economy collapses and the threat of nuclear conflict grows. Despite this, the BBC screens the final episode of The Young Ones. Starring Ade Edmondson, Rik Mayall, Nigel Planer, Christopher Ryan featuring Alexei Sayle as the Balowski Family With Mark Arden, Jim Barclay, Arnold Brown, Ben Elton, Stephen Frost, Gareth Hale, Justine Lord, Norman Pace, David Rappaport, Cindy Shelley, Peter Wear
Some observations: these aren’t as well put-together as some examples that you could find with other comedy shows. However, the final one is interesting (…no, not Interesting, the sixth episode’s Flood), and certainly has one hell of a punch.
Following the initial broadcast of the first series, the whole lot was repeated in 1983. However, the Radio Times editors saw fit to strip away the original intro text for each show and just listed the plain information on its own, with not even “Be there or be square!” making it back in.
…Also, who the hell is Heinrich Schtenker? Okay, nevermind. Onto the second series:
Series 2 (1984)
Episode 1: Bambi
First broadcast: Tue 8th May 1984, 21:00 on BBC Two England
Written by Ben Elton, Rik Mayall, Lise Mayer
A psychological British war film set in the Sahara desert. Hugh Freganotte’s sombre Western is diversely episodic but the locations admirably sustain the journey. Like an old favourite shoe: not brilliant but sturdy. Pauline Melville makes a splendid quiche.
Starring Adrian Edmondson, Rik Mayall, Nigel Planer, Christopher Ryan, Alexei Sayle with Madness and Mark Arden, Jim Barclay, Perry Benson, Ruth Burnett, Hugh Cecil, Jean Channon, Brian Croucher, Ben Elton, Stephen Frost, Peter Greene, Ceri Jackson, Kilian McKenna, Pauline Melville, Carla Mendonca, Michael Redfern, David Rolfe, Maggie Steed and Brian Oulton, Peggy Thorpe-Bates
(Note: for some reason BBC Genome listed this broadcast as “Sick”, which comes later on in the series)
Episode 2: Cash
First broadcast: Tue 15th May 1984, 21:00 on BBC Two England
Cash written by BEN ELTON, RIK MAYALL, LISE MAYER ‘Whizz Bang’ – the new youth programme. Roger Dingo talks live in the studio to Screaming Leppard. On film, Barry Coathanger Smith talks to Minty from Broken Chair about his new cooker. The weekend starts somewhere over there in the corner. Starring Adrian Edmondson Rik Mayall, Nigel Planer, Christopher Ryan, Alexei Sayle with Ken Bishop’s Nice Twelve and MARK ARDEN, PAUL BRADLEY, LEE CORNES, STEVE DIXON, STEPHEN FROST, STEVE KELLY, JAN PRINCE, KAY STONHAM, ANDY DE LA TOUR and ALAN FREEMAN Additional material ALEXEI SAYLE Music PETER BREWIS Make-up VIVIEN RILEY Sound LAURIE TAYLOR Lighting FRED WRIGHT Designer GRAEME STORY Production PAUL JACKSON
Episode 3: Nasty
First broadcast: Tue 29th May 1984, 21:05 on BBC Two England
Nasty written by BEN ELTON, RIK MAYALL, LISE MAYER This week a video head helically scans the high coercivity medium taking full advantage of the inherent wide hysteresic characteristics and fully saturating the magnetic structure of the oxide emulsion with predictably hilarious results. Starring Adrian Edmondson Rik Mayall, Nigel Planer, Christopher Ryan, Alexei Sayle with The Damned MARK ARDEN, HELEN ATKINSON WOOD CHRISTOPHER BARRIE, PAUL BRADLEY ARNOLD BROWN, VIKKI CHAMBERS RON COOK, DAWN FRENCH STEPHEN FROST, GARETH HALE DAMARIS HAYMAN, NORMAN PACE DANIEL PEACOCK, BARRY STANTON ANDY DE LA TOUR, PETER WEAR and TERRY JONES Additional material ALEXEl SAYLE Music PETER BREWIS Videotape editor ED WOODEN Sound LAURIE TAYLOR Lighting FRED WRIGHT Designer GRAEME STORY Production PAUL JACKSON
Episode 4: Sick
First broadcast: Tue 12th Jun 1984, 21:05 on BBC Two England (Note: the positions of “Sick” and “Time” got switched around after their first transmission, and it’s the iPlayer order that I’m presenting them in here – Genome has the wrong dates applied to both)
Sick written by BEN ELTON, RIK MAYALL, LISE MAYER This week the man who writes the listings in RADIO TIMES, which is actually a very difficult job at which he works very hard and he is not getting home very much because he is out earning money to keep his family, comes home late one night to find his wife in bed with another man and has a nervous breakdown … wakka wakka oooooooh aaaaaaah. Starring Adrian Edmondson Rik Mayall , Nigel Planer Christopher Ryan , Alexei Sayle with Madness and MARK ARDEN , JIM BARCLAY , PERRY BENSON, RUTH BURNETT, HUGH CECIL, JEAN CHANNON, BRIAN CROUCHER, BEN ELTON, STEPHEN FROST, PETER GREENE, CERI JACKSON, KILIAN MCKENNA, PAULINE MELVILLE, CARLA MENDONCA, MICHAEL REDFERN, DAVID ROLFE and MAGGIE STEED Additional material ALEXEI SAYLE Music PETER BREWIS Costume BARBARA KIDD Sound LAURIE TAYLOR Lighting FRED WRIGHT Designer GRAEME STORY Production PAUL JACKSON
Episode 5: Time
First broadcast: Tue 5th Jun 1984, 21:10 on BBC Two England
Time, written by Ben Elton, Rik Mayall, Lise Mayer A plane-load of funsters crashes in the African jungle; the souffle still won’t rise; a former model charges through the plot like a tornado; anything can happen and probably will. Starring Adrian Edmondson, Rik Mayall, Nigel Planer, Christopher Ryan, Alexei Sayle with Amazulu and Gary Beadle, Jonathan Caplan, Robbie Coltrane, Lee Cornes, Dawn French, Gareth Hale, Helen Lederer, Paul Martin, Norman Pace, Jennifer Saunders and Julianne White
Episode 6: Summer Holiday
First broadcast: Tue 19th Jun 1984, 21:00 on BBC Two England
Final programme in the series written by BEN ELTON, RIK MAYALL, LISE MAYER Blah, blah, blah. bottom burp! Starring Adrian Edmondson Rik Mayall , Nigel Planer Christopher Ryan , Alexei Sayle with John Otway and BRIAN CROUCHER, BEN ELTON STEPHEN FROST, JOOLS HOLLAND MARK LAMBERT, PETER LAXTON HELEN LEDERER, NORMAN LOVETT JOANNE PEARCE, ROGER SLOMAN MAGGIE STEED and ALAN FREEMAN LENNY HENRY Additional material ALEXEI SAYLE Music PETER BREWIS Videotape editor ED WOODEN Sound LAURIE TAYLOR Lighting FRED WRIGHT Designer GRAEME STORY Production PAUL JACKSON
…Bloody hell, they ran out of inspiration for the “Summer Holiday” listing, didn’t they? Although seeing as the final episode had to be remounted a few weeks after the intended filming date due to a BBC strike, they were probably just knackered. (Mind you, the one about the Radio Times listings man could have done with another draft.)
While like in the first RT listings article I’m focusing on original broadcasts, special mention must be given to this write-up done for one of the 1989 repeats. It’s nice to see someone at the magazine cared enough to do something bespoke for the transmission on Tuesday 29th August 1989, on BBC2 at the hallowed time of 9PM:
21:00 The Young Ones
Bambi written by Ben Elton, Rik Mayall, Lise Mayer. Biff whack ouch – the Young Ones are back with another boring series of repeats. Plenty of signs of life in the fridge, but still no sign of Cliff. Starring Adrian Edmondson , Rik Mayall , Nigel Planer , Christopher Ryan , Alexei Sayle with Motorhead, Robbie Coltrane, Ben Elton, Stephen Fry, Tamsin Heatley, Hugh Laurie, Tony Robinson, Emma Thompson, Griff Rhys Jones and Mel Smith. Additional material ALEXEI SAYLE Music PETER BREWIS Designer GRAEME STORY Production PAUL JACKSON (R)
One final little oddity: “Time” was repeated on Saturday 29th April 1989, right after a repeat of The Likely Lads. The listing for the latter says this: “Nearly 20 years separate this BBC2 comedy, which launched the channel in 1964, and its 1980s successor The Young Ones.” I don’t think anyone before or since has seriously attempted to somehow claim The Young Ones being the “successor” to The Likely Lads. The description for “Time” then reads as follows: “Twenty years later an even more appalling menage was launched on BBC2. Contrast and compare…” The words “appalling menage” are a pretty good turn of phrase, I have to say.
Originally published on my personal blog in October 2024.
This is an annotated copy-paste archiving of the original TV listings for Not The Nine O’Clock News, as harvested from the BBC Genome which in turn came from the Radio Times. The bulk of the listings were an example of something that happened a fair bit with British TV comedy back in the day, but which has now been stamped out due to “reasons”.
These were listings quite unlike the usual formula of a straightforward description of a programme, followed by a cast list. Below you’ll find examples for the show in question that were clearly put together by the people who actually made it (rather than the Radio Times staff), and these were used to put across the whole comedic feel of NTNOCN. Probably one of the earliest examples might be Python – a slightly later one would be The Young Ones, and I may try and collate the ones from the latter at some point.
All listings are for the original broadcasts. Be aware that the transcriptions on Genome may contain some mistakes and formatting errors, which have been corrected if spotted. Comments in bold are added by me. Please also note that there will be “material that is of its time”, and that I do not necessarily support all of the implied opinions in the quoted text…
Not the Nine O’Clock News (“Pilot” episode) First (intended) broadcast: Mon 2nd Apr 1979, 21:00 on BBC Two England A new series of six topical comedy programmes with Rowan Atkinson, Chris Emmett, Christopher Godwin, John Gorman, Jonathan Hyde
This edition never went out. The announcement of the 1979 UK general election caused it to be pulled from the schedules, due to the BBC’s rules about comedy shows not being allowed to influence potential voters during a general election cycle. However, some sections from this ill-fated first try ended up being recycled for the following actual first series which began that autumn, with an almost completely different cast after a bit of a re-think…
Not The Nine O’Clock News Series 1, Episode 1 First broadcast: Tue 16th Oct 1979, 21:00 on BBC Two England The first of six topical comedy programmes, in which a team led by Rowan Atkinson, Chris Langham, Pamela Stephenson and Mel Smith offer unhinged interpretations of the world of news and current affairs. Designer PAUL JOEL Director BILL WILSON Producers JOHN LLOYD and SEAN HARDIE (Rowan Atkinson is in The Atkinson People, on Radio 3 Friday, 10.0 pm)
Not The Nine O’Clock News Series 1, Episode 2 First broadcast: Tue 23rd Oct 1979, 21:00 on BBC Two England The second of six topical comedy programmes, in which a team led by Rowan Atkinson, Chris Langham, Pamela Stephenson and Mel Smith offer unhinged interpretations of the world of news and current affairs. Designer DAVID HITCHCOCK Director BILL WILSON Producers JOHN LLOYD and SEAN HARDIE (Rowan Atkinson in The Atkinson People, Radio 3 on Friday, 10.0 pm)
Not The Nine O’Clock News Series 1, Episode 3 First broadcast: Tue 30th Oct 1979, 21:00 on BBC Two England The third of six topical comedy programmes, in which a team led by Rowan Atkinson, Chris Langham, Pamela Stephenson and Mel Smith offer unhinged interpretations of the world of news and current affairs. Designer PAUL JOEL Director BILL WILSON Producers JOHN LLOYD and SEAN HARDIE (Rowan Atkinson in The Atkinson People, Radio 3 on Friday, 10.0 pm)
…And I’ll interrupt things there, as the first series’ listings were very very straightforward.The rest of them followed the same basic pattern, with the plug for The Atkinson People dropped from the fourth one as the latter had finished airing. The remaining episodes went out on 6th November, 13th November, and 20th November 1979.
We pick up from what was effectively the Christmas special, which was a compilation of stuff from the first series...
Not the Least of Not the Nine O’Clock News First broadcast: Fri 28th Dec 1979, 21:00 on BBC Two England Highlights from the series, in which Rowan Atkinson, Mel Smith, Chris Langham and Pamela Stephenson offer their own anarchic view of the State of the Nation. (The repetition of that last sentence is giving me flashbacks to each introductory bit of continuity in this…)
This was then followed by a repeat of that compilation in March, to precede the second series.
Not the Least of Not the Nine O’Clock News First (repeat) broadcast: Tue 18th Mar 1980, 21:00 on BBC Two England A last chance to see highlights from the first series, featuring Rowan Atkinson, Chris Langham, Mel Smith, Pamela Stephenson and Griff Rhys Jones Producers JOHN LLOYD, SEAN HARDIE (A new series begins shortly)
And now, finally, we get to the actual meat of this article. From the second series onwards, actual humour creeps into the previously dry Radio Times listings.
Not the Nine O’Clock News Series 2, Episode 1 First broadcast: Mon 31st Mar 1980, 21:00 on BBC Two England The return of the comedy programme that won more awards than other programmes that haven’t won any awards at all have won. Featuring Rowan Atkinson, Mel Smith, Pamela Stephenson, Griff Rhys Jones Designer DAVID HITCHCOCK Director BILL WILSON Producers JOHN LLOYD, SEAN HARDIE
Not the Nine O’Clock News Series 2, Episode 2 First broadcast: Mon 7th Apr 1980, 21:10 on BBC Two England by William Shakespeare Highlights from the Prague Festival Theatre’s expensive and overrated production of Shakespeare’s most famous sit-com. King of Burgundy: Rowan Atkinson Welsh army: Mel Smith Portia: Pamela Stephenson Old Nimmo: Griff Rhys Jones Designer MARHORIE PRATT (This should be “Marjorie” – not sure if this was a scanning error or a typo in the original listing) Director BILL WILSON Producers JOHN LLOYD , SEAN HARDIE
Not the Nine O’Clock News Series 2, Episode 3 First broadcast: Mon 14th Apr 1980, 21:00 on BBC Two England A situation comedy written by BOB DEASEY and MAURICE FOTE Don’t Get Your Vicars in a Twist! Trouble in store for the sofa when Ros has to explain away a misunderstanding with the milkman… with hilarious consequences! Lovable young couple: Rowan Atkinson Man from the gas board: Mel Smith Girl on sofa: Pamela Stephenson Pakistani: Griff Rhys Jones Designer MARJORIE PRATT Director BILL WILSON Producers JOHN LLOYD, SEAN HARDIE
Not the Nine O’Clock News Series 2, Episode 4 First broadcast: Mon 21st Apr 1980, 21:00 on BBC Two England from the Opera House, Welwyn. WOOMERA PHILHARMONIC conductor CANAAN BANANA Haydn No 95 ‘Excruciatingly Dull’ Symphony Laundromat Avocado Ma, Non Mobutu Nimmo Quartet for strings and relish tray Soloists: Rowan Atkinson, Mel Smith, Pamela Stephenson, Griff Rhys Jones Designer MARJORIE PRATT Director BILL WILSON Producers JOHN LLOYD, SEAN HARDIE
Not the Nine O’Clock News Series 2, Episode 5 First broadcast: Mon 28th Apr 1980, 21:00 on BBC Two England Drama Today ‘Gulp’ by GAVIN TOAD Set in a small Welsh weaving shed, ‘Gulp’ looks at the events leading up to the abdication of Edward VIII through the eyes of a professional footballer and a politician’s widow. Expensively directed by a member of the Socialist Workers Party. Mrs Simpson: Rowan Atkinson Lord Reith: Pamela Stephenson Virginia Woolf: Mel Smith Vet: Griff Rhys Jones Designer DAVID HITCHCOCK Director BILL WILSON Producers JOHN LLOYD, SEAN HARDIE
(Nowadays I’d quite happily watch the above for real. People in 1980 didn’t know they were born)
Not the Nine O’Clock News Series 2, Episode 6 First broadcast: Mon 5th May 1980, 21:00 on BBC Two England (Mae’n naw o’r gloch!) live from Bangor 17: Os awn ni nawr fe fyddwn ni yng Nghaerdydd oriau cyn y gem… Gyda Griff Rhys Jones, Rowan Atkinson Jones, Mel Smith Jones, Pamela Stephenson Jones Designer DAVID HITCHCOCK JONES Producers JOHN LLOYD JONES, SEAN HARDIE JONES
(This is what the above says according to Google: “17: If we go now we will be in Cardiff hours before the game…” Also “Mae’n naw o’r gloch!” apparently means “It’s Nine o’clock!”.)
Not the Nine O’Clock News Series 2, Episode 7 First broadcast: Mon 12th May 1980, 21:00 on BBC Two England The Death Lasers of Kzaarn Huge evil squids threaten to destroy the universe, but the Doctor is trapped in the same concrete corridor as last week… Zagglimorgx: Rowan Atkinson Talking suitcase: Mel Smith Mini-skirted alien: Pamela Stephenson Fourth extra wearing hat with rubber tentacle on: Griff Rhys Jones
There then followed a small series of compilation episodes, lasting for three weeks.
The Bert of Not the Nine O’Clock News (Not a typo) First broadcast: Tue 9th Sep 1980, 21:30 on BBC Two England Some of the greatest hats (also not a typo) from the last series. The Jewish-looking one: Rowan Atkinson The fat one with split ends: Mel Smith Sex interest: Pamela Stephenson The other one: Griff Rhys-Jones
Twenty-Five Years of Not the Nine O’clock News First broadcast: Tue 16th Sep 1980, 21:30 on BBC Two England 2: The Formative Years More highlights from the first four per cent. Trusty Old Ham: Rowan Atkinson Man who saw Old Ham on bus: Mel Smith Ancient Crone with face lift: Pamela Stephenson Face in crowd: Griff Rhys Jones
Not the Lot of Not the Nine O’Clock News First broadcast: Tue 23rd Sep 1980, 21:30 on BBC Two England The last of the best of the last lot. A new lot is set for Oct with the old lot: Rowan Atkinson, Mel Smith, Pamela Stephenson and Griff Rhys Jones Director BILL WILSON Producers JOHN LLOYD, SEAN HARDIE
Onto the third series…
Not the Nine O’Clock News Series 3, Episode 1 First broadcast: Mon 27th Oct 1980, 21:00 on BBC Two England The first of eight programmes: The Banana of T’ai Twenty years ago, the remote island of Santa Meej boasted one of the largest banana stocks in Brazil. Today only one is left. Nympho with chocolate bar: Rowan Atkinson Man in Land-Rover with binoculars: Mel Smith HRH The Prince Philip: Pamela Stephenson Thane of Fyffe: Griff Rhys Jones Designer DAVID HITCHCOCK Director BILL WILSON Producers JOHN LLOYD and SEAN HARDIE
(Title written in Korean) Series 3, Episode 2 First broadcast: Mon 3rd Nov 1980, 21:00 on BBC Two England BBC2 North Korean Cinema Season Not the Nine O’Clock News Perhaps Ng Mnong’s least seminal work, which tells the story of two Korean orphans whose adventures with a water lily and a duck (symbolising the bicycle and the vacuum flask) become tragically entangled in the ideological panic of the Great Step Sideways. “Recommended…” (Sheridan Morley) Ho Vis: Rowan Atkinson Eg Nog: Mel Smith Frank Chapple: Griff Rhys Jones Hydroelectric dam: Pamela Stephenson
Not the Nine O’Clock News Series 3, Episode 3 First broadcast: Mon 10th Nov 1980, 21:00 on BBC Two England The third of eight programmes Gosh, that’s amazing!! Weekly look at relevant and unusable technological gimmickry, packaged together to look like a building society commercial. Laser device for opening Long Life milk cartons: Rowan Atkinson Man who keeps pointing at things with his ballpoint pen: Mel Smith Plastic greenhouse: Pamela Stephenson Carpet salesman: Griff Rhys Jones Designer COLIN LOWRY Director BILL WILSON Producers JOHN LLOYD and SEAN HARDIE
Not the Nine O’Clock News Series 3, Episode 4 First broadcast: Mon 17th Nov 1980, 21:00 on BBC Two England The fourth of eight programmes The Mysterious Television Programme of Arthur C. Clarke Venezuelan geologist: Rowan Atkinson Intergalactic foetus: Griff Rhys Jones Dishonest amateur photographer: Mel Smith Former head of programmes, Yorkshire Television: Pamela Stephenson Designer COLIN LOWREY Director BILL WILSON Producers SEAN HARDIE and JOHN LLOYD (At the end of this listing is a plug for the then-forthcoming vinyl release and accompanying book:) Record (REB 400) and cassette (ZCR 400), from record shops. Book (same title), £1.95, from bookshops, from 27 November
Not the Nine O’Clock News Series 3, Episode 5 First broadcast: Mon 24th Nov 1980, 21:00 on BBC Two England The fifth of eight programmes Special collectors’ edition made to commemorate HRH Prince Charles’ 32nd consecutive winter holiday in Australia. Hand-tinted by Rowan Atkinson, Griff Rhys Jones, Pamela Stephenson and Mel Smith. (Contains jokes of more than one country of origin)
Not the Nine O’Clock News Surplus Sale Series 3, Episode 6 First broadcast: Mon 1st Dec 1980, 21:00 on BBC Two England The sixth of eight programmes Ex-SAS Coat Hanger Car Aerial, ££2.95. Genuine ex-Traffic Warden No Parking Cones, £4.67. Phoney TV-cum-contact lenses, £56.80. Wide selection reconditioned Rowan Atkinsons, Mel Smiths, Griff Rhys Joneses, Pamela Stephensons to be sold as seen.
(This listing was hidden on BBC Genome under an “offensive language” warning, because whatever automated system that was in place couldn’t understand the context in which “cum” was being used…)
Not the Nine O’Clock News Series 3, Episode 7 First broadcast: Mon 8th Dec 1980, 21:00 on BBC Two England The seventh of eight programmes Special anniversary edition! Many happy returns of the day to Lord Diplock, Lord of Appeal in Ordinary (73), Mr Maurice Green, former editor Daily Telegraph (74), and the Declaration of War on Japan (39) from Rowan Atkinson, Mel Smith, Pamela Stephenson, Griff Rhys Jones. Designer DAVID HITCHCOCK Director BILL WILSON Producers SEAN HARDIE, JOHN LLOYD
Not the Nine O’Clock News Series 3, Episode 8 First broadcast: Mon 15th Dec 1980, 21:00 on BBC Two England The last of eight programmes Twenty-first and final edition with Griff Rhys Jones, Mel Smith, Pamela Stephenson, Rowan Atkinson Designer DAVID HITCHCOCK Director BILL WILSON Producers JOHN LLOYD and SEAN HARDIE
(No jokes here – possibly a degree of exhaustion had set in by the end of this series, although it seems more likely that John Lennon’s murder a week prior may have caused a brief retreat from thinking up silly listings. Reportedly the entire team spent the first day of production on the final episode too depressed to write anything.
Also… the claim that this is the “final edition” is rather curious. Were they thinking of knocking it on the head after three series?)
In 1981 the programme took an extended break off TV screens, with the gap filled with various things: a live show, a radio special covering the Royal Wedding, more books and more records. In Autumn 1981, another selection of compilations followed.
Not Another Not the Nine O’Clock News First broadcast: Fri 9th Oct 1981, 21:00 on BBC Two England First of three of bits of the best of the last three series shoved together in a different order. Featuring Rowan Atkinson, Griff Rhys Jones, Mel Smith and Pamela Stephenson Director BILL WILSON Producers SEAN HARDIE , JOHN LLOYD Not the Nine O’Clock News (record RES 421. cassette ZCF 421) from retailers
An Eighth Chance to See Not the Nine O’Clock News First broadcast: Fri 16th Oct 1981, 21:00 on BBC Two England Another chance to bone up on the bits you don’t quite know by heart yet from the previous three series. With Rowan Thingy, Pamela Whatsit, Mel Errrm and Griff Rhys Jones Director BILL WILSON Producers JOHN LLOYD , SEAN HARDIE
Last of the Summer Repeats First broadcast: Fri 23rd Oct 1981, 21:00 on BBC Two England 26: Not the Nine O’Clock News The inimitable four old codgers take another turn down memory lane. Mulch: Rowan Atkinson Nimmo: Mel Smith Cheesy: Griff Rhys Jones Humpo: Pamela Stephenson
And now the final fourth series in 1982! Things start in a slightly more subtle manner than usual, and then once again go completely off the rails.
Not the Nine O’Clock News Series 4, Episode 1 First broadcast: Mon 1st Feb 1982, 21:00 on BBC Two England Due to lack of space in this edition of Radio Times, there is, regrettably, no room to give details about the above programme in the allotted amount of area available, due to the shortage of allottable pagery, except to say that the usual allocation is larger than this. Featuring Mel Smith, Pamela Stephenson, Griff Rhys Jones, Rowan Atkinson
Not the Nine O’Clock News Series 4, Episode 2…
(…and here we hit a snag, in that I can’t find the listing for the second episode. There doesn’t seem to have been any strike action that stopped that week’s Radio Times going out, or anything along those lines – whatever the listing was, it’s has been omitted from Genome, and in its place is a basic write-up done for iPlayer.Anyway, for the sake of completion, episode 2 was broadcast Monday 8th February 1982, at the standard time of 9PM on BBC2, and it was the one with the Game For A Laugh parody. Now let’s just skip over to the third one…)
Ni He Seo An Nuacht Ag A Naoi A Chlog (That’s “Not the Nine O’Clock News” in the Irish language) First broadcast: Mon 15th Feb 1982, 21:00 on BBC Two England Series 4, Episode 3 Irish General Election Special with subtitles Ruadhn Mac Aidicin (Rowan Atkinson), Mel Mac Gabhann (Mel Smith), Pamela Nic Stiofain (Pamela Stephenson), Griff Rhys Mac Seion (Griff Rhys Jones) A roisin Phil (Posy), Ta suil agam go bhfuil tu slan. Mo bhron nach raibh me in ann scriobh chugat ach bhi an iomarca oibre Ie deanamh agam anseo sa Radio Times – se sin i roinn na coitchirte. Mile buiochas le haghaidh na stocai. Tabhair focail do Sinead ar mo shon-se. Mise le meas, Sean.
(A Google translation of the above: “Dear Phil (Posy), I know you are. I felt like I couldn’t write to you but I had too much work to do here in the Radio Times – that’s in the commons department. A thousand thanks for the stocks. Give Sinead words on my behalf. Yours sincerely, Sean.”)
Not the Nine O’Clock News on Ice Series 4, Episode 4 First broadcast: Mon 22nd Feb 1982, 21:00 on BBC Two England Spectacular tedium for children from 1 ½ to 90, from the Schwarzwaldkirschentorteleizurcenter, Munchen Gladbach. Introduced by JOHNNI STYLE with ARMAND AND MURIEL and the HEINRICH KNODL HARMONICA RASCALS Robin Cousins: Pamela Stephenson Gang of oovy(?) brigands: Rowan Atkinson Huge chicken in skis: Griff Rhys Jones Humorous cowpoke: Mel Smith Designer DAVID HITCHCOCK Director GEOFF POSNER Producers JOHN LLOYD and SEAN HARDIE
To Let Series 4, Episode 5 First broadcast: Mon 1st Mar 1982, 21:00 on BBC Two England Convenient space, central BBC2 conservation area, adjacent BBC1 with handy rear access to Radio 1; would suit Rowan Atkinson, Mel Smith, Griff Rhys Jones or perhaps Pamela Stephenson; might convert into comedy programme like Not the Nine O’Clock News (subject to usual permissions). Sole agents David Hitchcock (Designer), Geoff Posner (Director), Sean Hardie, John Lloyd (Producers) Book, Not the Nine O’Clock News, £1.95 from booksellers
Not the Nine O’Clock News Series 4, Episode 6 First broadcast: Mon 8th Mar 1982, 21:00 on BBC Two England Dear Not the Nine O’Clock News, I would like to complain in the strongest possible terms about your treatment of………………… in the last programme ever. It was disgusting/ outrageous/rancid/not nearly long enough. I am not a prude/fat old codger/your mother, but this really takes the biscuit/mickey/last train to Clarksville. I shall not be watching again, yours sincerely …. PS My favourite was Mel Smith/Griff Rhys Jones/Rowan Atkinson/Pamela Stephenson/Designer David Hitchcock/Director Geoff Posner/Producers Sean Hardie, John Lloyd (Delete/fill in as applicable) Book (same title), £1.95 from booksellers
(In 1983 there was another short run of compilation episodes, to squeeze out some final repeats out of the series. Those listings aren’t really worth copy and pasting as they’re pretty straightforward. By this time everyone involved had gone their seperate ways, with some of the last output basically being John Lloyd and various writers putting out more books along the lines of those ones you kept seeing plugs for in the Radio Times listings. Which is a topic for another day, perhaps…)
